Saturday, March 4, 2017


Fear is something we all deal with at one point or another in our lives. I've always said I'm a lot like my grandpa, I'm scared of everything. While that is not completely the truth, I do have lots of fears. Some are irrational and some are rational I suppose. Is there really a rational fear? I'm not even sure of this answer myself.

Since I've been young I've feared mice or anything of the sort. I remember when my daughter's hamster got out of it's cage and in my bed one night. I hyperventilated and I'm being totally serious. I think this fear came from my mother who is petrified of the little critters. She actually paid our neighbor to get a dead mouse out of our trap one time.

I'm also terrified of thunderstorms. Well let me rephrase that, I'm afraid of wind. Thunder, Rain and Lightening doesn't phase me but if the wind blows I'm like a crazy woman. This fear came on out of the blue and I have no clue what triggered it. It actually didn't even occur until after I got married and had a child. Everyone thinks I'm nuts but I can't help it. We had a widespread wind event the other day and I literally drug a mattress in the hallway just in case a tornado happened. We weren't even under a watch but I was prepared!

Those are just a couple examples of things I fear. You can add the fear of: Losing a loved one (especially my parent's, spouse and children), Cancer or some other Terminal Illness, Death in all forms and so on to that list. I think these fears are pretty common in most of us though.

So why do I have fear on my mind tonight? Well, it's actually been at the front and center of most of my thoughts the last few days. Let me explain.

Annalee will be going to Kindergarten next year. Her speech has gotten worse over time and for the past few days she's been unable to even have a conversation. She's noticing it more and more which breaks my heart and at some points I find her not wanting to talk because of it. While we were on vacation she done so well but once we returned home it was like flipping a light switch and she got really bad again. I have no idea how to help her. I talked with the School System the other day to see if she could do another year of Headstart but because of our State Laws she cannot. That means I have two option. I either hold her out of school altogether until she is 6 (which would be a year at home) or I proceed to send her on to Kindergarten. Frankly neither option makes me too happy.

Axle on the other hand is already in Kindergarten. He repeated it again this year due to being so far behind last year. He's doing well and his teacher says she would consider him "average" in Reading and Math now. Axle has some issues and will be seeing a specialist in a few weeks. I'll be shocked if the diagnosis isn't Aspberger's. I hope not but I already know that it probably will be. Axle HATES school and this is not an exaggeration. He goes into total melt down mode every single morning and has to be drug in kicking and screaming but a staff member! His teacher describes his fits as "not typical" and more aggressive than last year. Homework is a fight, He is completely obsessed with You Tube and Television and his anger is sometimes out of control. It's stressful to say the least!

I've spoken to his teacher in regards to what classroom to put him in next year. Unfortunately I think it's going to be a very hard transition and I'm already dreading it. 

I've pondered ideas. I've pondered what is best. I've spoke with friends, family and obviously my husband. No one knows what's best. I don't know what's best. It's frustrating, it's scary and it's weighing heavy on my heart and mind.

Do I continue with public school. I mean I can force them to go. I did it with Anika and I feel like it was a total mistake. She got depressed severely, she started cutting and throughout her Middle and High School years we have had to Home Bound and Home School on different occasions. She's a Senior this year, we have made it. She's on track to graduate in May, Thank God! She still hates school though and misses quite frequently. Do I feel as though she has learned anything? Not really anything of any importance much. Do I feel like the socialization was good for her? Nope, not at all. Frankly most all of her friends are people she's met outside of school. Would I force her to go through it all again? No way, no how! 

Our school systems are not up to par by any standards. That's the not so great thing about living in a rural area full of poverty. There never seems to be adequate funding for textbooks and such. Our officials are padding their pockets with tax dollars and our children are suffering. It's sad but true.

I think Annalee will learn just fine. Her communication is going to be a big issue for her. I'm terrified she will be bullied by other kids, dismissed by teachers and not worked with to reach her full potential. She doesn't deserve that!

Axle on the other hand I'm afraid will never adjust. I think the anger and rage will continue and he will never enjoy school. He's not a brick and mortar kind of kid. His personality is different and to reach him a Math worksheet or expect him to memorize 5 Spelling words is just not his thing. I mean, he can do it but he does it and hates every second of it.

Our county started a new Christian School and that option has crossed my mind. For Annalee, I think it's a good option. She would have a smaller class size so would get more one on one attention plus the kids would be supervised better due to less kids to supervise. I'm certain she would excel. Axle on the other hand I'm still not sure it would be a good fit for him. I don't think he would enjoy it one bit more than he does public school. It's still a 9-5 extremely structured environment and while some claim that structure is idea for kids like him, I'm telling you I disagree. Things must be done on his terms or not done at all. It's a lifestyle and I've adjusted to it. Not to say it's easy but it is who he is.

Homeschool has crossed my mind. Could I possibly do it? Could I teach them the way they need taught? I don't have these answers. Axle would be difficult, there is no doubt. Annalee on the other hand would be a piece of cake. How would I begin? Would I buy all the up to date curriculum and structure our days? How would I work it all in on top of everything else I need to do? So many unanswered questions. To put the icing on the cake, I know my family (mainly my mother) would disagree with this decision. She's a very "traditional" person in all walks of her life. I on the other hand am not. Anything outside of public school to her would be denying them of a proper education.

I have a life long dream that honestly I never thought would even be a possibility of being a reality. I've always wanted to Full Time RV when the husband retired. While retirement looks to have come to us sooner than later due to his work injury, it seems to be a much closer reality than I ever imagined possible. Yes, he's facing some surgeries and all that will take time. Yes, there is a lot of uncertainty right now BUT at some point in the near future we are going to have lots of time on our hands. Do we use that time to travel? Do I take the kids out of public school and let them adventure around the US with us or do we hold off on that dream and travel during vacations and holidays? 

I've been reading lots on Full Time RVing. Lots of people are doing it and most call their schooling "unschooling." While that term sounds like your children are getting no education it's quite the contrary. This group of folks believes that it's more of a hands on education. Visiting places, exploring and adventures is their way of schooling. Sure they teach some Math, Writing, Reading but many of their school days are based exploring new areas and things. They focus more on Life Skills than textbooks and they let their children take the lead. They foster their interests instead of sticking to a basic plan of what someone else thinks they should learn. The idea is intriguing to me. It would be an idea that I think would work so much better for Axle. 

So what's my hesitation then, right? Well here is where FEAR comes back in to play. I fear that I won't provide them with the education they need. I FEAR that Hubby and I will hit the road only to realize we can't make it. I FEAR that this isn't the best option for my children and I'm being selfish because it's what I really want to do. I FEAR that my parent's will think I've lost my mind and be totally angry and against my ideas.

Am I wanting to sell my house and give up my entire life to travel? The answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! We would never sell where we live. This would always be our Home Base. My parent's are here, my extended family is here and my life is here. My daughter (oldest) would probably stay here some and travel with us some. We wouldn't travel for six months at a time or at least that wouldn't be the initial plan. Initially we would be home at least every couple of weeks. Probably a month or so at the longest. I'm not saying eventually it wouldn't turn into a full time adventure but I'd definitely want to start out slow!

My mind is boggled on which way to turn and what to do. It's scary and there are so many unanswered questions. Budget, School, Medical, Family and so many more things come in to play. It all boils down to FEAR is holding me back though. It's holding me back from making a decision for us and for the kids!

What I do know for certain is that we will be finishing out this school year in a traditional setting however May can't come soon enough! We will evaluate over summer break and make a decision for next year. I ask if you pray, to send up a prayer for me, that I will make the right decision!


Tuesday, February 28, 2017

A New Direction

Winter months are hard for me. I get depressed and not just a little bit. I go into a funk that I just can't seem to shake. My doctor calls it "seasonal depression" and while I suffer from year long depression, it does get worse during the winter months. Apparently after doing a little research, I am only one of millions that it happens to. This winter has been rough but thankfully I think I've finally pulled out of it.

I've abandoned this blog for awhile now. Actually, when I last blogged I hadn't planned on abandoning it but then I did and well time slipped by. When I realized just how long it had been, I decided I wouldn't return to it. I thought why do I really NEED to blog anyway and I came to the conclusion that I didn't. The last few weeks though the idea of blogging again has popped into my head several times and so tonight I decided to bite the bullet and just do it.

Lots has changed since I've been away. I have changed since I've been away. I started this new year off with a new outlook and while I'd like to take credit for the peace and contentment I feel, I can't. I know that it's only a peace that can be given by God and he has granted it to me. I'm so thankful. It's been many years since I've felt just okay! It's been such a blessing to me.

I've slowed down. I've took time to enjoy the days whether it be hot or cold, rainy or sunshine. I've mellowed out. I've learned to forgive and in the process I've learned that forgiving (and truly forgiving) is the greatest feeling ever. I've learned to love everyone and to try to act out of love. I've learned when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up. I've learned to talk to the Master and to rely on his guidance. I've learned to appreciate my parent's and my extended family more for I'm blessed!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not describing this picture perfect idea of how my life is or how I am. Both still have many faults, I still have bad days & our family still has struggles but I do feel like I've finally came into who I truly am a bit. It's nothing I've done for myself. All the countless hours I've spent on Personal Development Reading and such hasn't helped me one single bit. It just occurred like magic. It's just like I awoke one day and my eyes opened and I seen the world through a whole new perspective. So yes, I attribute it all to God and if your not a believer this post isn't meant to offend but I will give him the Praise he so rightfully deserves.

So where do I go here in my blogging route? Well, I've put lots of thought into that. Normally I'm a day to day blogger. You know the kind that gives you every single detail about their day. Yep, that's the kind of stuff I live for and yes that is the kind of stuff I love to read. It pressures me though. It makes me feel the need to do something exciting every day, to come up with some random cooky list of things that I want to accomplish and to blog everyday so that I don't feel as I'm missing marking down the memories. Trust me, I keep the memories. My calendar/journal is full of them. I just don't know that I want to fall back into that blogging style though. I've not really decided what I'll blog about. I don't know how often I'll blog and I'm not putting any pressure on myself. I'm just going to write what is on my heart and what feels right.

So I guess I'll see you around this little space of mine soon! I hope each and every one of you are doing well.

God Bless

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

From Monday to Trump Day


* The kids and I went to Church. Hubby didn't go, he went to Bobby's house and tinkered around. Church was wonderful as always. After the service we got to see another good old fashioned creek baptism (my favorite) and then we had a business meeting where the "vision" of our church was discussed.

* I received a beautiful necklace from my Aunt as a baptism gift. It says "You are my Sunshine" which is mine and my Granny's thing. Since Granny's passing, it's meant even more to me so to say I LOVE this necklace is an understatement.

* We had Porkchops for dinner and I done some light housework. I've not been in housecleaning spirits lately. Not a good thing!

* Hubby hung out in the garage Sunday night tinkering around while I watched "political junk" on television.

* We all laid down pretty early BUT sleeping didn't happen for me. Instead I watched two new Christmas movies. Yes, I know I'm addicted. Both were great by  the way!

Christmas Incorporated

Married by Christmas


* The kids didn't have school so we got to sleep in. Lovely!

* Hubby and Ax brought us breakfast & then went to Bobby's to tinker. I reckon Ax played on all the Heavy Equipment over there. Not running of course!

* I lounged around a few hours and then met up with Rebekah at the park. Ax decided to go with me, he couldn't pass up the park. Not even for Heavy Equipment. The kids had a blast.

* We got ice cream because the weather was beautiful. I love banana splits!

* I spent my Monday night at an event called "Heaven's Gate's and Hell's Flames" It was an amazing drama presentation put on by a traveling ministry. My friend Christy's Mom went to the alter. It was such a blessing to witness.

* I finished out my night snuggling and watching 1/2 a movie. Unfortunately we fell asleep and didn't get to finish it.


* The kids were off for Election Day. Axle spent his day hanging out with his daddy while the girls hung out with me.

* I hit up the polls early that morning and luckily didn't have to wait too long!

* We spent the biggest part of our day at Church with a few of the ladies. We put up our Angel Tree and it looked so pretty

* We had lunch with my Mom and a friend of our's at Subway. It was fun girls time out

* Hubby and I attended the "Heaven's Gate and Hell's Flames" event that night. Sis watched Axle for us while Mom watched Lee. Although I'd saw it the night before, I was more than happy to go again. Not only did I get my Hubby to go, my best friend and my Uncle went also. One of my good friend's went to the alter and gave her life to the Lord! It was such a blessing to witness!!!

* It was late when we got home so Hubby and the Kids went to bed. Sis and I stayed awake as long as possible watching the election but we just couldn't make it. I ended up falling asleep in her room with her!

That wraps up our last few days! As you can tell, lots going on around here. Today has been a much lazier day and I'm enjoying it thoroughly! I'll leave you today with a couple random photos I wanted to share!!!!


Saturday, November 5, 2016

Weekend Stuff

Happy Saturday Friends- Just wanted to drop by and share how our weekend's been going thus far.

* Friday was the kids last day until this coming Wednesday. They are all welcoming the break. Axle had a Spelling test on Friday and got a 100% on it. He also got to spend his School Bucks he's earned for good behavior, homework, etc. I think it's safe to say he had a good day.

* I had to take a $200.00 deposit to the school Friday for Anika's Senior Trip. Her SR. class is going to Florida for a week. How cool is that? She also bummed an extra $15.00 off of me while I was there for FCCLA dues. School is so expensive!

* Annalee didn't have school Friday. She still only goes 4 days a week. Trust me, she didn't mind hanging out with mommy all day :)

* Hubby hung out with his buddies Friday and Friday night. I saw very little of him. It's good for him to get out and away every once in awhile though. We all need that.

* Friday night we had Youth Group. I got a new curriculum that they are wanting me to use. I was very nervous about it but I think it went well. It was called Thank Full and was a lesson on "running out of gas" The kids seemed to enjoy it. This was the first time I let them read aloud from the bible and I think it's something I'll continue to do. I was shocked at how many wanted to participate. We also made a pumpkin craft to go along with Fall/Thanksgiving. It was a foam craft and they did a cute job. Have I mentioned how much I love our Youth Group?

* I took advantage of our Saturday morning and SLEPT in. It was so nice. I didn't actually climb out of bed till almost 11:00. I didn't actually sleep that long but I did just lay there and watch CNN. Got to keep up with this Presidential Debate.

* Hubby spent the biggest portion of his day at his buddy's ginning around. He's been projecting of there. He isn't able to do a lot but he can't sit still so he's been finding little piddly things to occupy his time.

* I did run the next town over today and pick up a desktop. My cousin had one for sale for an unbeatable price so I couldn't pass it up. I haven't hooked it up yet but can't wait.

* I'm so in the Christmas spirit. I'm ready to hang lights and the whole 9 yards but I'm trying to wait.

* I did watch this awesome Christmas Movie tonight. It was so good. I'm totally digging Christmas Movies this year!

* I did a little planning today. We have a LOT of things coming up to prepare for. If it weren't for lists I'd be nuts!!!

* Hubby has been asleep for hours and all the kids are watching television. I think I'll do some laundry and some paperwork before I hit the hay.

Tomorrow we have Church and a Business Meeting afterwards. Not sure what else the day will hold. I hope all of you have a great Sunday.

Much Love,

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Calm Before the Storm

Literally, I feel like this is the Calm before the Storm! The last few days have been so slow paced that it isn't funny. I'm waiting on it all to come crashing down though and I know it will happen. Probably sooner than later.

I haven't even taken a single picture since Monday. Isn't that insane? Probably not for everyone but for someone like me who takes photos daily, it's insane!

Even though I don't have a lot to tell, I thought I'd do a little update so I don't get so far behind. I'm apologizing in advance that this post will probably bore you to death. I promise to have something more exciting soon or at least I hope.

Here's a little of what's racing through my mind this rainy Thursday night:

* I cannot wait till this election is over. I'm almost certain most everyone would agree with me on this. This has been the longest most dramatic election I ever recall. It's kind of like watching a circus full of monkey's daily!

* We have had an off week school wise. The kids were a little late on Tuesday and we totally overslept on Wednesday so they all three ended up staying home. This is not normal for us these days. We have been doing great this year!

* SJ finished up his Physical Therapy on Tuesday and went back to the Neurosurgeon on Wednesday. He is making very little progress as far as movement and strength goes. The Neurosurgeon has decided Therapy is not helping so he is sending him for injections to see if that will help.

* I hit up our Thrift Store the other day. It's located right beside my house so I visit often. I didn't find a lot but did grab some Christmas dish towels for a quarter each and a new pink sweater that still had the tags on it.

* I had to go see my Doctor this week and get my medicine refilled

* I've had a tough few days emotionally. SJ and I haven't been jiving real well. I swear I think it's just the devil trying to hit me hard.

* We got breakfast at Dairy Queen the other morning. I have a new love for biscuits and gravy. I used to hate them. Isn't it funny how your tastes change with age?

* I'm working on an online auction. I plan on donating the proceeds to a class at the kids school for Christmas gifts. I'm hoping it does well. I've got tons of things donated for it so far so I'm pretty excited to see how it all works out.

* I watched my first Christmas Movie this week. It was really good too. Christmas movies are just good for my soul. It was called "Lucky Christmas'. If you haven't watched it, you should check it out!

* This morning I woke to a big breakfast! Hubby fixed the kids and I some yummy Eggs, Bacon and Fried Potatoes. It was pretty sweet of him!

* Hubby has been working on a project in his garage for a few days now. I'll show you the final result soon!

* I ran a ton of errands today and got quite a bit accomplished. I even took care of a debt today that I've been trying to get lined out forever. It was quite nice to mark it off my list!

* We had take out from the Pizza Place for dinner tonight. I was too lazy to cook

* Sis is spending the night with my Mom tonight and tomorrow night. Dad is out of town so they are having some girl time.

* We had this cute stray dog wander in and I was going to keep it. Unfortunately it killed two of my chickens so I had to send it to the animal shelter :(

* Tomorrow night we have Youth Group and I'm a tad bit nervous about it. Normally I just do my own lesson plans but our new pastor insists we follow a curriculum. It will be my first time using it so I hope it goes well.

* My new bible Mom and Dad got me has a 30 day Guide for new believers. I've been reading it and so far I'm really enjoying it. I am in LOVE with this Bible. It's so easy to understand and has tons of side notes on how biblical information relates to our lives today.

* November weather has been much like summer so far. It's coming to a halt tomorrow though! It's supposed to drop back down in the 50's and 60's. 

* I've set the date for my friend Rebekah's Baby Shower. I still have a lot of planning to do though and not long at all to plan. I'm doing a "You are my Sunshine" theme. I hope it's cute!

* I got asked to work a Bucket Brigade tomorrow for our local animal shelter so if I'm not working as a sub at the school, I'll be volunteering there tomorrow.

* Today was Annalee's last day of school until Wednesday and tomorrow will be Axle's and Anika's. Monday is a Professional Development Day for our school and Tuesday is Election Day. It's a nice break for them.

* Our Church normally buys EVERY kid a Christmas gift each year but this year we are doing it a little different. We are putting up an angel tree and each child in the church will have an angel. Our church members will pick angels and buy for them. Any angels left, the church will buy for them. I think it's going to work out so much better!

* My house is so quiet tonight, everyone is already sleeping. I think I'll lay down and watch some television!

Pretty much that sums up November so far. I'm sure things will be busy again around here before you know it. Until then though, I'm going to soak up the downtime while it lasts. I'll update again soon.

Hope everyone is doing well and having a great start to November.

Much Love,

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

The Final Days

Well October is gone, farewell to another month. It's so unreal that we will be entering a whole new year in just a short time. The days seem so long but the years so short. I truly wish life had a pause button sometimes.

Since tonight is the last night of October, I figured I might as well do a post and wrap it all up. Overall it's been a great month. Here's how our little family spent the last part of October.

* We sold our boat. We didn't really want to but we had to. Financially the Hubby's injury has been hard on us. Hopefully we will get lined out by next summer and be able to purchase another one.

* Anika has a new guy. I won't say they are technically an item but they have been on two dates now. Once was to the Haunted House and to Mexican to eat and the other was out to Chinese for dinner. The jury is still out on what I think about him.

* We spent an evening at my best friend's house celebrating her son's 18th Birthday. There was good grilled food and a bonfire!

* Our Church had Homecoming. Talk about a blessing, it was an amazing service followed by amazing food. Perfect Sunday!

* I got MOST of my seasonal clothes changed out in my closet. Sweaters are now hanging and Tank Tops are put away. The season says it's Fall but it's still feeling more like Summer!

* Axle's friend Ally had a Birthday Party at a Bounce Place. The kids had an absolute blast!!!

* Hubby has been burning brush like a wild man. Now he's on a painting kick. His passions vary from day to day.

* Hubby is still doing Physical Therapy. He was supposed to go back to the Neuro last week but they had to reschedule so he will be going back this Wednesday. He's not making much improvement if any so I'm betting surgery is in his very near future!

* I hit up Goodwill and another thrift store one day & found some goodies. I'm a thrifting addict

* Anika dyed her hair back all dark (no funky colors) and got it cut. It looks beautiful on her!

* I subbed in Preschool one day for a lady who was out sick. It was a great day. I love working with the little babies!

* Headaches and Naps have been common lately. I blame it on allergies and lack of sleep

* One of Anika's friends lost his mother. We went to the Funeral Home one night and attended the Funeral the next day. It was devastating to see such a young boy in so much pain. Him and his Mother had not been on good terms and he had just moved out. He was so full of anger and guilt. If you find time, whisper a prayer for him.

* Hubby had a guys day out with his buddy Brandon one day. It was good for him to get out of the house.

* Annalee's class did a Pumpkin Tasting party. I sent in Pumpkin Pie Pumpkin Snack Cakes and Pumpkin Donuts. I think it's just such a cute idea!

* Ax got his report card and did so awesome. He also got an A on his Math and Spelling test. He's Mommy's smart boy.

* I worked a day in the Kindergarten class as a sub. Kindergarten is definitely much different than preschool in terms of structure. I loved it. The only downfall was lunch duty!

* Our Church attended the Judgement House (it's a walk thru drama that is absolutely amazing). One of our teens went forward and accepted Christ. Afterwards we ate at Pizza Hut. Such a wonderful night.

* I overslept for school one morning. The kids got there but very late. I didn't give myself to much grief over it though as I was out late the night before with the Church and we have done so well not oversleeping.

* Annalee's class took a field trip to our local DCBS Office. They did a Trick or Treat thing there. It was cute and the kids really enjoyed it.

* I spent 1/2 a day at our main Headstart Office. We went into classrooms and done Self Assessments which is merely a walk thru looking for safety issues as well as making sure all rules and regulations are being met. It's always interesting to see how different each teacher and each classroom is.

* Hubby and Axle went to the Race Track with Brandon one night to watch Brandon practice run his Go-Kart. They had a great time.

* Axle's class did some Pumpkin Seed Counting. Each student guessed the number prior to counting the seeds. Axle guessed 29 seeds, he was way off.

* We finally got Anika's Senior Settings done. I cannot wait to get them back. She looked beautiful as always. Some were done in an open field while others were done at an old barn. Don't worry I will be sharing ASAP!

* We took the kids to Camden Park on a Saturday night for their Spooktacular Event. It's perfect for kids Axle and Lee's age because it isn't very scary. They love riding rides though so they were very happy kids all night.

* I got Baptized Sunday morning in the creek. There was 3 other Baptisms the same day. It was a glorious feeling getting raised out of that water! My dad helped baptize me which made it so special. God is so good.

* We celebrated my baptism with family and friends by going to dinner at a small food place called Cloud 9. I was just so overwhelmed with joy at all the people who came to be by my side during such a joyous occasion in my life.

* Me and the kids had a Pumpkin Carving Party at Mom and Dad's. It's our 2nd year of doing it and it's always so much fun. We carved pumpkins, ate cupcakes and then built a fire and roasted hot dogs. We all had a blast.

* Mom and Dad attended my cousin Jessie's Halloween Party. Unfortunately we didn't get to go because we were at Camden Park but I still wanted to share the photos with you!

* Anika dressed up as Wednesday Adams for School today. She looked AWESOME!!!!

* Annalee had her Halloween Party at school. It consisted of Popcorn, Cupcakes, Strawberry Floats and TONS of candy!

* Axle's Halloween Party happened too. His class was bombarded with goodies and this mom bought every kids a really cool whistle. The kids loved me. The teacher and parent's not so much!!!!

* We went Trick or Treating. I'm terrible at taking pictures on Halloween Night. I have no clue why but I am. Here's a few though.

* Mom and Dad bought me a beautiful study bible as a gift for my baptism. I cannot wait to dive into it. That will be part of my November routine!!!!

That pretty much sums up our ending to October. I'm hoping November brings as many blessings to our family and to yours

Much Love